Really and truly do both. Feel both. Or more. Order allum. Wear neither or mix it all up. Regardless of what it is, stop raking yourself over the coals for low-stake issues. Because honestly, who the hell cares if you order 3 items on the menu? If you can comfortably afford it and you like all things you got, GO CRAZY.
That goes further than material indulgences, however. I specifically mean when it comes to how you feel towards your own situation. Zoom in on where you are in life right now. All things considered, take a minute and pause. We can all agree on the following two concepts:
- Be grateful for the things that you have
- Pushing yourself to be bigger and to do better is admirable and encouraged
Right? Right. But can we also agree that somehow you end up called a name if you run those two horses in the same proverbial race? You can be grateful or you can strive. But if you’re striving somehow you aren’t grateful enough and if you are wholly grateful you are oddly lacking in ambition. When did doing both, stop being an option?
I have found myself standing in the crook of that arm with mixed feelings myself. Or even perhaps towards myself? The years leading up to now have been a little short of arduous. . Despite that, I feel a sense of gratitude to be standing in one piece at the end of yet another year. This year that isn’t enough for me. Standing, surviving, existing, breathing, being. The bare minimum of existing and scraping oneself off the steel toe that is what life can unrelentingly throw at you is boring.
I said it. It’s boring and it is unfulfilling. I am grateful that I can rally like a motherfucker. Flag nor fail. But I deserve and will go for more. With that comes the discomfort of having to assess my gratefulness momentarily. Because have I truly been humbled and authentically thanked the winds on whose back I’ve ridden thus far? Yeah. I fuckin have. Endlessly. Every damn day.
Because getting up and not letting things pin you mind, body and soul to the ground is a paying of respect. Pushing and pushing. Fighting and improving. Smiling through it. All of it is currency to deliver unto you the keys to drive yourself to the good place. Whatever that is for you. The job that pays what you deserve, the relationship that puts you and your needs on high. Creating a life that offers you the security of heart, peace of spirit, and love of mind to flourish.
I look around at the equipment beneath my fingers, the walls around me, notice the quiet in my mind, the easiness in my heart…this platform and you sitting there reading my words, while the heater under my desk gently murmurs and warm air flows gently over my toes…and I am deeply thankful. Because a few months ago things were so much different. I think that is true for so many people. To just stop though, simply on the grounds of amount of gratefulness? That’s a waste of all the times when I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to get any further.
Do both. I’m doing both. Gratefulness and acquisition. To move forward and to continue healing starting at the site of the original wound.